The World According to Jenny

My New Phone and the Prayer App

I am loving my new Evo..even more I found a prayer app.  I have come to in last year how important my Catholic faith has become to me.  It helps me get through the tough times and help me be thankful for the good times.  Long story short, I found a prayer titled “Prayer for a Good Husband”.  Needless to say, I say it everyday!

Here it is:

O Jesus, lover of the young, the dearest friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future.  Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life.  Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in your divine wisdom you judge best suited to be united with me in marriage.  May his character reflect some of the traits of your own Sacred Heart.  May he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please You to entrust to our care.  Bless our friendship before marriage, that sin may have no part in it.  May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own in Nazareth.  O Mary Immaculate, sweet Mother of the young, to your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as my future husband.  You are my guiding Star!  Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joys in the next.  Amen!

Leave it to the Catholic faith to have a prayer for finding a husband and it be a beautiful.

Good night and God Bless!

Laying in bed I realized…

While laying in bed trying to shut off my mind, I began thinking about bachelor #8.  The truth is, I’ve been thinking about him alot today since we passed on the street.  Having my friend Jennifer in my head, she told me to say hello, smile and keep walking the next time I saw him.  I did just that.  The truth is, the feelings I have for him are still the same feelings I had two months ago.  Seeing him gave me a moment of giddiness following by that sick feeling in my stomach.  I’m not sure exactly what that means but I have a feeling it has to do with my heart.  Again, this brings me back to one of the best movie quotes EVER! (and one of my favorite movies).  Iris (aka Kate Winslet from “The Holiday”):

“I’ve found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said “love is blind”. Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas’, the worst Birthday’s, New Years Eve’s brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can’t swallow! All the usual symptoms.”

Yes, Iris I get it!  I am having a similiar experience, just not for three years (only 6 months).

Oh yeah, the song to go along with this saga is “Men and Mascara” by Julie Roberts.  The lines that are speaking to me are:  “did I give my love to soon or wait too long, did I take it a little to easy or put in on too strong”…”she ain’t getting any younger”.  It is a safe bet you will see me in the Liberty belting out this song.

Dear God…if it is not meant to be, get him out of my heart.   

I am holding on to the thought that God has something better out there for me but I have to go through these little ups and downs so I will appreciate him more.  I sure will!

Good night:)

I love Hockey!!

I love hockey.  I only wish the series on tv right now was the Rangers vs Blackhawks.  Since the Broad Street Bullies knocked my beloved Rangers out of making the playoffs I am rooting for Chicago.  I think it would be great if they won since it has been such a long time since the city of Chicago was home of the Stanley Cup Champions.  The cheer tonight “LET’S GO HAWKS!”

Broken heart, tears and moving on…

After weeks of holding out hope that #8 would come to his senses, I had to accept that would not happen.  Last night I decided to write him.  In my email I let him know that I enjoyed being with him and really liked him.  However, I realized that he did not want to see me anymore.  I let him know that I understood but wish he would have let me know.  I extended the olive branch to have a friendly cup of coffee.  Truthfully, I did not think I would hear from him again (and part of me wished he did not respond).  He thanked me for being gracious, apologized for his actions and said he would like the friendly cup of conversation when things settle down.  I would like that cup of coffee and conversation but down the road.  In order for my heart to heal, it will have to be way down the road.  My head and heart are still not in agreement at this point on my feelings for him.  As I swell up in tears with a broken heart, I read this quote:

“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me – I’m going to smile.”—unknown

I will follow this as I am sure I will see him at mass.  I decided to be gracious this time.  I know in my heart he is not a bad man, he’s just a man.  I have running in my head the quote (not sure by who) “when God closes one door he opens another.”  I really hope the door opens soon.  I have soo much love to give to the right person, one deserving of my love.

To my broken heart: you will hurt a little, cry a little and ponder what could have been.  You will listen to some sappy songs and tear up again.  It’s ok, it’s just the process of healing.  The right one will come along and you will forget the hurt you feel right now because the right one’s love will make you forget.

Time to Vent about Men & Dating…

Sarah, this is for you:)

Right now, I am still on bachelor #8.  I have to admit things have stalled and I am not sure if they will restart or just end completely.  Around St. Patty’s Day, he kind of fell off the earth.  Eventually he resurfaced telling me he needs to get his life in order.  It’s been a couple of weeks and he is still says he is in a funk.  I may or may not get a message from him.  It could be 3 days or 3 weeks before I hear from him next.  I’m not really sure but for some reason I remain hopeful. 

The pattern I have notice with men is they seem to fall off the face of the earth.  Do I need to put out an all points bulletin to get a response.  Men..I asking, no I am begging you.  If you are not into a girl or women—TELL HER.  I do not care what excuse you use..”it’s me” or “it’s you”, just some kind of communication.  I clearly like him and think I make it clear.  If you don’t feel the same, ok.  It will sting a bit but I will get over it.  I will not beg you to love me or even like me.  TELL ME DAMN IT!  I now know the reason why women snap.  Men drive you there.  Maybe it’s just me.  I am an Aries, firey sign.  But really, silence.  We have phones, email, texting and dare I say in person to end something.  I know where you live.  If I was that kind of crazy, I would go to your house.  (Since I am kooky and not crazy, no need to worry about me showing up on your front door)

To all the single men out there, young and old.  Silence is not golden.  Be a man, take off the skirt and have some balls.  If you are not or no longer interested in the woman you are currently seeing than TELL HER!!!!!!  You will be the good guy by being honest (and less likely a crazy woman will boil a bunny).

Ok, I feel better.  Still have hope #8 will come out of his funk.  If not, in the market for #9.

Love is opening of the heart…

I think I may be driving God a little crazy right now.  I am currently seeing Bachelor #8 also known as “the guy”.  I really like him and hoping he feels the same about me.  This whole process of dating brings out every insecurity inside of me which I am trying to work through.  I always ask God for a sign if he is worth the anxiety I seem to put myself through when I think about him and the possibility of us.  God has shown a sense of humor and some guideance.  After an enjoyable date, I went to mass the following weekend and asked for a sign about him.  The second reading started with “love is patient”.  I knew at that point, I may need to be patient with “the guy”.  He has given me a few more signs along the way.

Tonight I was thinking about “the guy”.  Trying to contain my insecurities but smiling when I think of him I went to my Facebook page.  This was my message from God today (yes, I subscribe to the daily message from God):

My Bachelors..A Year in Review.

At the request of Sarah..here is my current blog about the bachelors…

In January 2009, I started a mission to find love through Match.com.  Needless to say, it has been a very interesting year.  I decided in December to end my membership and possibly let nature take it’s course (although it really didn’t work before).

Bachelor #1 — John.  I met him for coffee at Starbucks.  The man claimed to be 46 and 5’7”.  Ahh..no!  I would say 5’6” the tallest in his cowboy boots.  All I can remember was how little his waist was.  I wanted to sit him on my lap and rock him to sleep.  He was a finance guy and very boring.  No sense of humor (which is hard for me since I think I am a comedian).  If you guessed no second date, you are correct.  Although he texted me to see if I wanted to have dinner.  No thank you.

Bachelor #2 was 36yr lawyer Damien.  First two dates I think went well.  On the third date, he took two calls from his mother.  He proceeded to admit his mother calls him 5xs a day.  It’s good he loves his mother but seriously, cut the cord.  Three and set him free.

Bachelor #3 Rich.  Creepy in person and I think had momma issues.  One and done.

Bachelor #4 was Frank.  Frank and I had fun, definitely enjoyed making out with him.  He became busy and sick.  Then would blow me off.  I even gave him another chance to redeem himself months down the road.  He stood me up!  Good-bye.

Bachelor #5.  40 year old telecommunications guy with an E-business.  Sorry for all you Amway folks but it is a cult.  It took me three dates but than I figured it out, he was in a cult (when he said his e-business was Amway)  He tried to sell me vitamins.  While hiking, he kept spraying his breath with breath spray.  Turn Off!!!!!  He had to go…

Bachelor #6 Andy.  Andy was 33 and very attractive.  A lot of making out but that was it.  Another who blew me off.  We could never connect so I took it as a sign.  Bye!

Bachelor #7 Rob.  40 yr single father of two.  My sister made fun of his name.  He always had a funny story, I’m still waiting for the punchline.  Not funny and that annoyed me.  (Shocking for those who know me).  Three dates and that was it.  Did I mention he invited me into his house to see his flat screen tv?  Exactly, not for me.

Which now brings me to current bachelor #8 Tom.  Dear Lord, I think he could be a winner.  He is funny, he laughs at my jokes and we seem to have a good time.  At first, there was a month between dates but I think it is about to pick up.  Conversation is easy and flows.  I admitted I was a little kooky and he said “good”.  I am hopeful and will keep you posted.  (Keep your fingers crossed for me)

To all of your searching, I feel your pain.  The sea they talk about is more like a pond.  You just have to find your lily pad.